Making Online Couples Therapy Work For You
Considering doing couples therapy online? If you’re feeling skeptical, I get it, but virtual couples counselling can totally be a game-changer – especially if you prep thoughtfully. Let’s walk through how to make your sessions feel real, connected, and safe (not awkward).
Read this blog about preparing for online counselling
Why Online Couples Therapy Makes Sense Right Now
Online couples therapy brings flexibility and space to your relationship work. No commuting, fewer scheduling headaches, and you each get to show up from a place where you feel reasonably comfortable.
It also helps with consistency. When life’s busy, the ability to log in from home might just help you keep the momentum. And in times of physical distance or health constraints, it’s a lifeline. Let’s be honest: sometimes lower friction = more follow-through.
Getting Clear Together: Decisions Before You Begin
Before your first session, take 15-20 minutes together to decide:
- Goals & expectations: What do each of you want to get out of therapy? (Better communication? Conflict skills? Rebuilding trust?)
- Session logistics: How often will you meet? Will both show up together or alternate?
- Tech preferences: Which computer or device will you use to access your session?
- Rules for interruption: What happens if one of you is called away? (Kids, pets, emergencies)
What Your Setup & Mindset Should Look Like
You can’t control everything – but you can control your surroundings and how you step into each session.- Privacy & boundaries: Choose a room with closed doors, headphones, or white noise if needed.
- Device & internet: Use a reliable connection, charge ahead of time, test your camera and mic.
- Emotional check-ins: Before the session, try a brief 30-second check: “I’m feeling ___ right now” – helps you land before talking.
- Agreements for tough moments: Maybe a pause word, or a way to ask for a break if things feel intense.
When (and How) to Make Online Couples Therapy Work for YOU
Sometimes couples attend online couples therapy from different locations. If things get heated, screen distance can feel real. Here are some strategies to keep connection:
- Use “soft start” prompts: Begin sessions with gratitude, check-ins, or “something I appreciated about you this week.”
- Pause & restate: If you feel triggered, say: “I’m feeling ___. Could you say that another way?”
- Therapy homework between sessions: Small tasks – talk for fifteen minutes about a non-issue, practice a listening check, use the Gottman Card Decks app, etc.
- Know when in-person is better: If one partner has extreme social anxiety, trauma history, or technical instability makes things unworkable, consider alternating in-person or hybrid sessions.
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Creating Privacy at Home
You might have a houseful of family members, pets, housemates or roommates. Here are some privacy tips for online couples therapy:
- If it’s feasible, wear headphones to ensure more privacy.
- Have your session in a room with a locked door. If only yourself and your partner are home, find a well-lit room and a comfortable seat.
- Consider having your couples therapy session during nap time, school time, or bed time for the kids if applicable. Hire a sitter and meet in a private space if this works well for you.
- You can muffle sound by placing a towel along the bottom of the door. Turning on a white noise machine, TV or radio outside the room can also obscure sound for privacy.
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Final Thoughts
Online couples therapy can free you from the headache of traffic, finding parking, and arranging child and/or pet-care. Having intimate and vulnerable conversations with your partner at home plants the seeds of change in your natural environment.
Disclaimer: Online couples therapy may not be suitable for all couples. Book a consultation or contact me to determine if online couples therapy is a good fit for you.
Ready to take the plunge?
Your relationship deserves intentional care – whether in person or over the screen. Ready to start online couples therapy that actually helps? Book a free consult or your first session.
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