How Marie Kondo Helped Cure My Fear of Flying

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Early Memories of Flight Anxiety

I’ve been afraid of flying for as long as I can remember.

The first time flight anxiety held me back was when I was around 16 years old. My out-of-province grandpa passed away and my dad wanted someone to fly to the funeral with him. He had asked other people first, and I suppose he went down the list until he got to me. I remember the call vividly. The thought of being “stuck” in the air or safely on the ground resulted in me turning down my first opportunity to fly. I carried fear and guilt with me for a long time, which reinforced my fear of flying.

In my journey to conquer my flight anxiety, I did some personal therapy. Through therapy, I determined that my flight anxiety went back much further, to around the age of 5. My childhood home had a large walnut tree and my dad built a tree-house in it. I was on the balcony area, among the framework for the future tree-house. The makeshift ladder was broken, and I had to jump from the tree house to my dad’s arms. I felt petrified and was stricken with fear. It probably wasn’t very far from the ground, but it felt like 100 feet as a young child. Eventually I jumped because I really had to use the washroom. I was safely caught and placed back on the ground. I think the fear of this personal flight imprinted on me and lasted carried into my later life.

Every Fear Has a Story

My first flight was when I was 18 years old, so I avoided flying for a long time. I decided to spend a semester with my partner overseas and see Europe. The flight from from Vancouver to Toronto to Hungary had turbulence, rain, and cloudy skies. I didn’t know what was normal for flying, and I cried in the airport as I left my family (and the ground) behind me. After this trip, I didn’t flying anywhere for a long time.

Around 6 years later, I was took my first trip to Mexico. I knew I had flight anxiety, so I talked to my doctor to get medication to help calm me down. (At this point in my life, I was experiencing regular panic attacks). I had a fairly good understanding of the unpredictable nature of anxiety and knew that flying would be a trigger. I felt anxious on the flight, and the medication helped me rest and burn off the energy. We went to Mexico again 2 years later, and then to Cuba one year after that.

A Traumatic Flight

The flight to Cuba is my most memorable experience of flight anxiety. On the way home, the flight was as turbulent as my return from Hungary. We flew past several lightning storms set in the black sky outside. The scene looked like a scene from the TV show Supernatural. The seat belt sign remained on for the entire flight, and I felt 11/10 scared. Medication helped to decrease my heart rate and remove intrusive thoughts, but I could still see the storms outside the window.

Meeting Fear with Bravery

Since the Cuba vacation, I’ve completed several short flights to California while with my sister. We went in 2012, 2013, 2017, 2018 and even this year. I felt some flight anxiety every time, until 2018. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t in sheer terror every time I stepped onto a plane. I had moments in flights where anxiety felt really low, sometimes for most of the flight, but never completely gone. Then in 2018, I had to flew across the Atlantic again.

Another Trans-Atlantic Experience?

Last year, I flew with my partner to visit family in Europe. This was my first trans-Atlantic flight in over a decade. I knew it would be a long flight, I knew there might be turbulence, and I knew that I didn’t want to feel scared. So I did what any self-aware therapist would do—I started going therapy for flight anxiety. (This is how the treehouse memory came up, during an EMDR session.) We talked about flight anxiety and breathing exercises and visualizations. Some days, I felt anticipatory anxiety thinking about the flight. Other days, I was felt excited because I’d dreamed about going to Europe many times.

Preparing for Another Long Flight

For my personal prep, I learned about flying and flight anxiety. I already avoided thinking about planes and don’t watch movies or TV shows involving plane crashes, so this was a big move. I listened to flight anxiety podcasts, hearing from people who travel and have flight anxiety, and learning from pilots.

I learned about the statistics that you’re more likely to get in a car accident driving 3km then you are to get in a plane crash. I learned that turbulence is normal, and it’s equivalent to waves in the ocean as the airstreams pass one another. And I learned that plane wings can withstand G-force far beyond what occurs in flight. Even in the worst storm, the captain will change altitude to a level the plane can with stand, so there’s no lack of safety in turbulence.

Before my flight, I was a mini-expert on the mechanics of planes and flight anxiety strategies. On the suggestion of my therapist, I wrote an in-flight plan in a journal and brought it with me. My plan included a list of things I could do during the flight and items I wanted to make sure I kept in the cabin in my carry-on. I listed movies and TV shows that I downloaded, and I purchased a magazine. I also brought a novel in case I wanted to read.

Taming Myself in Turbulence

The flight had some turbulence, and the captain shared approximately when and for how long it would happen before taking off. Armed with the SOAR Conquer Fear of Flying mobile app, emergency prescription, plus therapeutic strategies, I felt prepared.

The flight was relatively uneventful except for the anticipated turbulence. In each moment of turbulence, I took deep breaths and repeated “waves in the ocean” in my mind since it’s as normal as waves. I only used medication on the flight home when I had some intrusive thoughts. My anxiety wasn’t cured yet, but it was significantly reduced compared to earlier in my life.

Flying Solo

This year, I decided to test my flight anxiety. I booked a solo flight from Vancouver to Seattle and traveled alone. I know Seattle pretty well so it feels familiar, so wasn’t likely to feel uncomfortable or out of place. I did all of the same preparation as my trans-Atlantic flight—and I downloaded Tidying Up with Marie Kondo as a lot of clients were talked about it. I actually felt a bit disappointed that the flight interrupted my viewing, isn’t that funny? And I looked forward to the flight home to finish the episode and start another. My flight home had only one moment of very slight turbulence, and anxiety remained low.

I flew to Seattle alone in March to attend a training workshop. I continued to watch Marie Kondo (and already re-folded all of the clothing in my dressers by this point). The flights there and back were as normal as riding on the bus. This past May, I flew to California with my sister again. Then I took my longest solo flight since learning to fly without anxiety. That flight there had a few little bumps, but no anxiety. My flight home had one jolt that struck me in the gut, but I reminded myself of “waves in the ocean” and felt calm again. As far as I can tell, my flight anxiety is nonexistent. I have a few episodes left of Tidying Up that I can’t wait to dive into, and as for the flight, well, I’m not worried about it.

Where I'm at Now

I was scared as heck of flying. It required a lot of mental, emotional, and spiritual energy to encourage myself to work on my fear of flying. It helps to know your big WHY when you want to make a change. That’s the reason you’re doing it in the first place. I have fantasies about traveling to different places all over the world, and you can only drive to so many continents. Flying is more convenient, and I’d rather fly to across North America than drive. So my big WHY is to travel and see the world.

Conquer Your Flight Anxiety: My Flight Anxiety Tips

Below is a list of things that helped me overcome flying anxiety that I hope will help you in your journey:

Make an in-flight plan. I’m serious. My in-flight plan simply was a list of activities I can do during my flight. Plan for MORE than you could possibly do, because you may decide to switch tasks. My in-flight plan includes reading a book or magazine, watching a movie or TV show, trying to sleep and gratitude journalling.
Do something interesting and relevant to YOU during the flight. If you like to rest, take a nap or listen to a guided meditation or calm music. Watch a movie or tv show that keeps you focused. I love to organize and clean so Marie Kondo was naturally a good fit.
Have a mantra (positive phrase) that you can repeat to yourself to focus on if you begin to feel anxious when flying. My mantra of “waves in the ocean,” reminded me of a place where I feel calm and reminded me that bumps in the air are normal. Feel free to use mine or make one for yourself.
Learn about flying and flying anxiety. Here are the podcasts that were particularly helpful for me: 1. Hiding in the Bathroom: Flying Anxiety 2. The Anxiety Podcast: Captain Tom Bunn – Conquer Fear of Flying
Download the SOAR Conquers Fear of Flying by SOAR, Inc. This app will show you charts that indicate where turbulence will happen on the day you fly to help you anticipate any bumps.
Keep hydrated. Stress takes a lot of energy, so make sure that you have access to cool water on the plane. Alcohol can intensify anxiety and cannot be mixed with medication, so I recommend to refrain from drinking so that you can teach yourself how to calm naturally to overcome your fear of flying.
Look at the other faces if you feel worried. There might be other anxious fliers, but a lot of people are going to be sleeping, doing some enjoyable activity or a work project. Pay attention to the stewardesses faces in particular. They spend so much of their time in the air and are a great point of reference for gauging if turbulence is worrisome. They are instructed to sit down and buckle up during turbulence and this is completely normal. Even during the flight home from Cuba with the lightning storms and turbulence, the stewardesses were completely calm. They sat and chatted as we sailed through the air.
If you’re flying alone, talk to the person sitting next to you or engage with them in someway. This can help you refocus your mind on something other than fear, and you may even get to have an interesting chat on your journey.
I mentioned that I took medication for flying. It’s not a failure if you take medication when you fly. In fact, it can help you feel a sense of security to know that you can calm down if you ‘re really freaking out. Even though I don’t need it anymore, I keep medication in my carry on so I have a back-up plan.
Keep trying! I took a lot of flights before my anxiety went away. I also recognize that there are going to be times when I feel some low-level anxiety flashes, like when the plane jolted and I felt it in my gut. Take deep breaths, drink some cold water or other decaf drink and remind yourself that this is as normal as waves in the ocean.
Consider getting professional help for your anxiety. Talking to a therapist helped me uncover the roots of my flying anxiety and generate a plan. It might help you to learn some grounding and calming techniques ahead of your trip in a one-on-one setting.