Not to be clichĆ©, but the beginning of the year is a great opportunity to pause and take stock of where things are at in various areas of your life and to consider how close they are to how you would like them to be. In a previous blog, we explored the concept of creating shared meaning in your relationship through discussing rituals, roles, goals and symbols with your partner. In this blog, we’ll explore creating #RelationshipGoals
Actual Relationship Goals
Have you ever considered making New Year’s resolutions for your relationship? It’s not unusual to want to improve your relationship in the year ahead. Plus, secure attachment is associated with improved overall well-being. When you can become intentional about what the improvements in your relationship would actually look like, you can increase the likelihood of cultivating positive change.
Tip: Think SMART
Specific
Measurable
Attainable
Realistic
Time-limited
How Goals Fail
One reason that relationship goals might fail could be that they aren’t in line with each partner’s values. When this is the case, relationship goals are less likely to come to fruition because it does not reflect each individual’s sense of self and what is important to them. Another reason could be that your goals aren’t realistic or attainable (maybe they’re too big), or that they can’t be measured. For example, a goal to “spend more time together” is not as specific as a goal to eat dinner together four out of seven nights per week. Create short-term, intermediate-term and long-term goals in your relationship to help to enhance both the little and big picture vision for your relationship.
Click here to learn fun ways to enjoy the holidays with your partner
Choosing Your Goals
Some areas where you might make personal goals are: career, family, friendships, health, home, learning, love, money, personal development, physical, and social connections. Considering these different categories, see if you can identify areas where you can create a relationship goal.
Maybe you want to improve your education, which could require goal setting around expenses. If you want to focus on your health, you and your partner could begin meal planning, or become accountability buddies for regular exercise. Do you want to pay off some debt? You and your partner can meet with a financial advisor to discuss your joined financial goals for free. These are a few suggestions out of endless options.
Suggestions for #RelationshipGoals
1. Learn your love language.
Showing appreciation to your partner in the way that they preferred to receive it is the superhighway to relationship satisfaction. Download the Love Nudge app or visit www.5lovelanguages.com to take the love languages quiz. Share your results with your partner, and commit to doing one act per day in your partner’s “love language.”
2. Create a couples journal.
Use this to write letters or sweet little notes to one another to read each day. You could also list and track your couples goals, and plan relationship activities.
3. Agree to no screen time during quality time.
This can include during meals, on outings and even watching your favourite TV show together.
4. Spice up your sex life.
Flip through the Salsa decks on the Gottman Card Decks app or iPassion app for new ideas for the bedroom (or wherever you might be! 
)
5. Plan a weekly activity, adventure outing or date.
This can help to inspire novelty and fun in your relationship, which can be easily lost in the day to day humdrum of life.
6. Take a class together.
Your schedules might make this difficult, however there are plenty of online classes that you can go through at your own pace. Learning something new together is an opportunity to be vulnerable, humble and to have fun.
7. Plan a road trip, vacation or staycation.
Taking a trip can combine adventure, novelty and quality time in one, as well as presenting an opportunity to have a new experience together in a foreign place. A staycation can be a great opportunity to visit local restaurants you haven’t yet found the time to check out, and to take in some local tourism.
8. Schedule time for difficult conversations.
Do you tend to put-off or avoid having conversations about sensitive or vulnerable topics with your partner? Scheduling time to have these conversations can create a safe space to air grievances, address concerns and connect empathically with one another. I suggest to review the “I Feel…,” “Expressing Needs,” “Expressing Empathy” and “Great Listening” card decks on the Gottman Card Decks app before beginning this.
9. Start a relationship book club.
Take turns suggesting a self-help, relationship, fiction or nonfiction book to read together. Flip a coin to determine who gets to choose first.
You Can Do It (Together!)
When you create couples goals, it’s important that your personal and relationship goals aren’t in conflict. This way, you can achieve your dreams together and support one another individually. Remember to celebrate when you reach milestones and achieve goals.
Agreeing on a reward system can help to keep you motivated, too. Think of a fun or creative way that you can celebrate each step you take towards your goals. Maybe you will go out for dinner or have a special treat, whether it is dessert or trading massages.
While staying accountable to goals can be difficultāin fact, this is one of the main causes for resolutions to failāthat, and not following the SMART goal format. Psychology Today suggests creating accountability to one another in order to achieve your shared goals. This could look like planning to exercise on a specific day or time; even planning dates to check in on your goal progress along the way.
Creating goals together is an opportunity to practice collaboration and supporting in cheerleading one another. This can strengthen your bond and improve the likelihood of sticking to and achieving your #RelationshipGoals
References:
https://www.gottman.com/blog/how-to-make-and-keep-new-years-resolutions-for-your-relationship/
https://liveboldandbloom.com/12/relationships/relationship-goals
https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/emotional-fitness/201010/goals-are-relationship-necessity-here-are-10-tools-help
[Editor’s note: This blog written by Ashley Greensmyth is cross-posted at https://www.parallelwellness.ca/#relationshipgoals/]
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