Know Your Limits
An important aspect of good mental health over the holidays is knowing your limits and honouring them. Limits can include personal limits and financial limits. It can be compelling to overspend if someone you haven’t purchased a gift for tells you they are excited for you to open the gift they purchased you but you’re at the limit of your spending budget, or perhaps you see more presents under the tree with your name and feel an urge to spend more so that there are more gifts to give in return. I encourage you to consider all of the ways that you can embrace the spirit of giving in your relationships. Here are some more cost efficient ways to give over the holiday season:
- Do some holiday baking
- Make homemade Christmas tree ornaments from bits and pieces you find in nature
- In honour of giving gifts, donate to a charity of your choosing
- Do a Secret Santa or “white elephant” gift exchange so that the responsibility of buying gifts for everyone is distributed among the members of the group, whether it is family, friends or coworkers
Set Boundaries
The holidays can be a time of fun, but also a time of obligation. Setting boundaries during the holidays to manage your mental health can look like: declining invitations, cancelling plans, even saying no to some family events.
Boundaries can also look like refusing to engage in uncomfortable conversations or family dynamics. Perhaps your family likes to comment on your diet or your body at gatherings, or maybe they engage in gossip or bickering. You can set boundaries in these situations by stating that you don’t want to talk about a certain subject. “I don’t want to talk about this right now,” or leaving the room sends a message.
You’ll enjoy the holiday much more if you’re not feeling obligated or emotionally drained. Here are more tips to maintain healthy boundaries at the holidays:
- Know your effective grounding/calming strategies ahead of time – take a time out to practice calm breathing, use a crossword for mental distraction, go for a walk, bring a book to read, etc.
- Tap into your feelings – recognize that guilt can arise from a desire for harmony, but if you are sacrificing your own feelings or needs, then you can set a boundary
- Give yourself permission to set a boundary
- Be direct with your boundary and have a consequence in mind, e.g., “if you continue to talk about this subject, I’m going to leave”
Keep a Routine
Let’s be honest, it can be difficult to keep a routine anytime. Starting a new habit during the holidaysādifficult, but not impossible. Between meetings, errands and some enjoyment, our regular routines get thrown off during the holidays.
This year, I encourage you to stick to your regular routine as much as possible and insert holiday festivities in between. For example, if physical exercise is important to your well-being, make sure that you prioritize this over other things that might come up. If other plans intrude on your regular routines, opt to arrive later, or decline invitations. This can help you keep the flow of your regular routine.
Get Enough Sleep
The positive benefits of getting enough sleep cannot be overstated. Between last-minute plans, late holiday gatherings and even the excitement, your sleep routine can shift during the holidays. Keeping busy with plans can also reinforce an already unhealthy sleep pattern.
Research has linked Poor sleep habits to increased anxiety and depression, decreased motivation and energy and decreased tolerance to stress. We can also become more irritable, easily frustrated, and clumsy when we don’t have enough sleep. On top of that, insufficient sleep affects your immune system. Stick to scheduled bedtime and wake time to reinforce a healthy sleep schedule. You can easily set reminder alarms to help reinforce this.
Practice Gratitude
The holidays can be a mix of positive and challenging times. Set aside time each day to do things you enjoy and reflect on the positive experiences you’re having. This can help to cultivate appreciation and gratitude even on a difficult day. Take a moment each dayāmaybe when you wake up or before sleepāand think of three positive things from the day. This can help you cultivate a more balanced perspective and acknowledge the inherent goodness that can come from growth even on difficult days.
Practice Moderation
The holidays can be a time of indulgence, including with alcohol. For those who are working on their relationship with alcohol, the holidays can be a difficult time with triggers. With alcohol, it may be commonplace to have a few drinks during holiday gatherings. If you’re practicing moderation, mindful drinking (sip, savour, and space out your drinks) can lead to healthy habits.Ā
Ask for Help
Don’t be afraid to ask for help during the holidays. This can look like asking a colleague to cover your shift or take over an aspect of a project, asking for help with cooking or shopping, or asking family to offer support.
Knowing who your social supports are can help you resource yourself so you don’t feel obligated to take on every responsibility alone. Asking for help at this time of year can also look like talking to your therapist about managing stress.
Want to know who usually wins the hearts of the public? The couples who genuinely like each other. When there’s laughter, trust, inside jokes, and emotional safety, the romance tends to flourish. And when drama comes up, friendship is the buffer that helps people ride it out. Also, friendships outside of your romantic connection can be an affirming and reflective space to talk about your relationship woes. The lesson: Physical attraction fades, but friendship is the glue. Build a relationship where you’d still hang out even if you weren’t making out. Final Thoughts: Reality TV is very exaggerated, but the emotional patterns on Love Island USA are very real. So the next time you’re cringing at someone’s meltdown in the villa, take a moment and ask yourself: Have I done that too? (No shame if the answer is yes. Being able to call yourself out is growth!)
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