I suck at self-care too. There, I said it. Now, if I was my client and I heard myself say that, I would probably say something like, “I’m sure you don’t suck at self-care. Maybe you recognize that you’d like to improve it. Let’s talk about that.” So let’s talk about it.
What is Self-Care?
Let’s define self-care. Self-care is any self-indulgent act that is relaxing and restorative, and can include any activities from sports, to laughing, spending time in nature, pursuing interests unrelated to work, meditating and more.
Self-care is crucial to your well being. When you focus on self-care, you give yourself a break from your regular stress and pressures which increases your resilience and can reduce and alleviate anxiety and depression symptoms , as well as improve general mood and satisfaction.
A Therapist's Story of Self-Care
I can only speak for myself. And what I know is that during my undergrad years, I ran on 4-6 hours of sleep and caffeine like my peers. Sometimes I would study and cram for exams, and I tried the work-hard-play-hard method with moderate success. By the time of my graduate studies, I gave up caffeine and learned that I needed 7+ hours of sleep. I also worked full-time while managing a varying course load, so I had a lot of stress.
Does any of this hard-working and over-achievement striving sound familiar? Or how about the level of stress, regardless of what kind of work or studies you are or aren’t doing?
Nowadays, I distribute my time across multiple counselling offices, working with diverse clients on a broad range of topics. When I began working in private practice, I wanted to be as available as possible. I made myself available to work every night and all weekend. (Can you see where this is going?) I gave myself a limited amount of time to have any balance in my schedule. As I gained more clients, I quickly realized that I needed some semblance of a weekend. So I started to give myself days off for self-care and recovery.
Stress Will Signal Your Need for Self-Care
Working at my current pace has never affected my ability to be a good therapist. Something that I’ve been aware of that helps me gauge my level of stress and my need for self-care are my stress signals. My stress signals include:
- Irritability
- Not feeling rested after sleep
- Stressful dreams
- Eye twitching
- Becoming argumentative with my partner
- Neck and shoulder pain
- Headaches
Some research estimates that 75% of people experience physical stress symptoms. Headaches are one of the easier triggers for me to be aware of because I might wake up with a headache in my temples that comes from jaw tension during sleep when I’m stressed.
Making Time for Self-Care
With a varying schedule and limited time, this emphasizes the need for me to schedule my relaxation and downtime. A rule of thumb that I suggest to clients—and that I give to myself—aim for one hour per day of self-care and one day per week. One hour a day is pretty feasible, and one day per week happens about every other week for me.
If you’re wondering “how the heck does anyone relax for one hour a day,” remember- there are 168 hours in a week and 24 hours in a day. Even if you work in an industry with long hours, you should have a few hours between arriving home and going to sleep.
Netflix Isn't Self-Care
Again, I’m no saint. I’m currently reciting this blog entry into the Notes app on my phone as Netflix is paused in the background. So…what does my self-care routine actually look like?
My Wellness Recipe
I once heard in a podcast “anything you can do in 60 seconds, do without delay.” I apply this to how I motivate myself to get started on any activity, from house chores to leaving the house to go to the gym or walk outside.
Here are some activities from my self-care menu that I can start quickly:
- Read a book
- Go for a walk at the lake
- Do some stretching
- Have a bath
- Do a yoga session from YouTube
- Play with my cats
- Gardening
- Texting—better yet—calling a friend
It can be difficult to start sometimes, but once I get going, I always feel better afterwards. in addition to these easy quick-start activities, I make sure to prioritize big ticket self-care tasks too. these are things that are planned in advance and entered in to my calendar which I use religiously.
My big ticket self-care tasks include:
- Meeting up with friends
- Planning a date night
- Meal planning for the week
- Therapy, physical health and medical appointments
- Spending time with family
Self-care isn’t just about physical wellness and hygiene—it also includes nutrition, sleep, activity and setting boundaries. Some of the things that are central to my self-care are: striving for 8 hours of sleep, cooking at home, declining invitations to conserve my emotional energy. That last one is crucial for people who work in a helping profession.
How to Create a Self-Care Plan
Here is a simple step-by-step guide for creating a self-care plan:
- Take a self-care inventory. Look at your calendar or think about your work week and write down the things that you spend most of your time doing including work and leisure activities. You can also complete a self-care assessment by searching up a questionnaire on good ol’ Google.
- Set a self-care goal. I like to use the rule of thumb of one hour per day and one day per week.
- Create your wellness recipe. This is a personal self-care menu of activities, hobbies and interests that bring you joy.
- Create accountability to stick to your self-care goal. If you like to use a calendar, schedule your hour of self-care. If you have responsibilities and obligations to take into consideration, consider setting up a parenting day off with your spouse or trading childcare or house chores to create your self-care space.
- Download my free 40 self-care ideas guide
Set boundaries with people who request your time and energy. It’s OK to say no to an obligation and to cancel plans to put yourself first, especially if you tend to give to others before you give to yourself.
A good indication of giving more to others than to yourself is feeling guilty to say no. That’s likely when you need to decline. While saying no can be difficult, you will eventually feel better afterwards.
Do you know what your stress signals are? Chances are that your partner, coworkers, and family can point it out for you. Make a list of what your stress signals are, and another list of the activities you like to enjoy. It might help to think of activities that address different categories of self-care: physical, emotional/psychological, workplace (including volunteering and school), and spiritual self-care.
Take care.
let’s work together
Therapy is self-care too.
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